i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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