It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I need a burrito and a hug.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
