Did you just see the Batmobile???
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
