I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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