Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
