Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We need a shit load of segways right now
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
