The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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