seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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