Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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