Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
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Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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