she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?