It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...