Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.