And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize