how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
