Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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