when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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