Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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