Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
