I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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