I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
