At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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