Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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