Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
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I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
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I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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