You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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