All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Randomize
