oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
