its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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