took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize