There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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