If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
