i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
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I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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