just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
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Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
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Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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