Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
