cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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