she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
