you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
