I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize