thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
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I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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