Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
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We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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