At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize