He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
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And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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