Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst