I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
We left the knife in your bed.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.