i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.