I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum