I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
