It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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