Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
