I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize