She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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