guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
