Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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