my vag is so smooth its legendary
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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