I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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