I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
